SSC & the 7 BDSM Safety Rules You Should Follow
What is SSC? | What is RACK? | 7 Rules of BDSM Safety | What are negotiations? | What do I talk about during negotiations? | What is enthusiastic consent in BDSM? | What is aftercare? | BDSM Safety Tips
If you’ve found yourself here, it’s safe to say that you’ve been fantasizing about some naughty, filthy fun and now you’re ready to explore it. Letting your imagination run wild is one thing and playing out those fantasies is another. Regardless of what you’re exploring, learning the safety and consent basics is essential! In this guide, we will cover the proper safe and consensual way of practicing BDSM, both as it relates to yourself and your play with others.
SSC & the 7 BDSM Safety Rules You Should Follow
As BDSM has become a more widely-accepted form of sexual play over the last 2 decades, representation of BDSM in popular media has been normalized. However, as with most media portrayals of sexuality, not all representation is good representation.
You’ve maybe heard this before, but we agree with the majority of the BDSM community that Fifty Shades of Grey was not a good example of safe, consensual, and enjoyable BDSM. It is fantastic that many were exposed to the wonderful world of BDSM but not ideal that the story focused on two people who didn’t follow good BDSM practices. Practicing BDSM can be just as fun as it seems in books and movies, but it’s even better if you’re diligent about safety and consent!
What is SSC? RACK?
The most well-known safety acronyms in BDSM are SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) and RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink). These serve as foundations for safe play of any kind.
SSC is a term originally coined in the gay community to help differentiate S&M activity from abuse. Safe means using proper safety precautions and doing things the correct way, sane means using common sense and good judgment, and consensual means having the enthusiastic consent of all involved.
RACK was developed somewhat in reaction to SSC, because people felt that SSC didn’t adequately allow for BDSM activities that have some risk to them. RACK means practicing kink with the enthusiastic consent of all involved, acknowledging that there are risks with this activity. RACK is a bit broader in its scope and is inclusive of riskier activities often viewed as “edge play".
Taken together, these acronyms account for the aspects of safety and consent that are essential to keep in mind when exploring kinks and fetishes. Play that follows the standards of SSC and RACK ensures that risks associated with all activities have been acknowledged, safety for all partners has been discussed and established, all partners are of clear mind, and all partners have fully consented to all activities.
The following rules we put together have been created with SSC and RACK as the foundation.
Rule #1: Never play without knowing safety guidelines specific to the type of play
There are of course general safety guidelines that should be followed (more on this later), but each specific type of play has its own additional safety guidelines that should be known and followed as well.
For example, essential safety guidelines to follow in a rope bondage scene include having safety scissors immediately accessible and knowing where knots can and cannot be tied on the body. Knowing this specific information is one of the key elements of safe rope bondage play.
There are plenty of resources available that provide detailed safety information for a variety of kinks and BDSM play. Here are a few resources for popular types of BDSM play:
- Rope Bondage Safety
- Spanking & Impact Play:
- Anal Play
- Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin
- An In-Depth Guide to Anal Training, Stretching, & Gaping Blog
- Sadism & Masochism
- Flogging
- Bondage
Rule #2: Always have a thorough, clear conversation with your partner and establish consent before playing
Having thorough conversations with your partner before playing is unquestionably essential. The ultimate goal of these conversations is to establish clear consent and safety for all partners involved. In order to accomplish this, there are several topics that must be touched on during your discussion. Let’s explore this further.
How do I establish consent with someone?
We firmly believe enthusiastic consent is the only true consent. If you watched Fifty Shades of Grey, you might remember how Christian Grey was Anastasia’s guide into the wonderful world of BDSM. Sometimes he asked her if she wanted to do something (asking before doing is important) but it is vital to point out that when he asked her, he was not specific about what he would do. Simply asking if you can do something with someone without identifying what it is you will be doing is not asking for consent. True, enthusiastic consent has many components, and it is much deeper than asking for a simple “yes” or “no” answer.
Enthusiastic consent has several elements:
- Clear, specific understanding and agreement by all partners to all activities
- Clear, specific understanding and agreement by all partners about which gear will be used during play and how it will be used
- Establishment of safe words, how they will be used, and direct confirmation that they will be followed by all partners
- Establishment of how partners will communicate with each other during play
- All partners are completely sober while discussing and consenting
Contrary to popular belief, establishing consent for specific activities does not ruin the mood if it’s done right! Discussing what it is each person wants to do and how they want to do it creates a tantalizing conversation that only heightens the anticipation for what’s to come.
The best way to establish enthusiastic consent and safe practices is to have negotiations with your partner at least a day before playing as well as right before playtime begins.
What are negotiations? What questions and topics should be covered?
Negotiations are direct, thorough conversations between all participating partners. They cover a range of topics that establish consent, safety, and more pertaining to the play that will be done. Having negotiations with your partner opens the door for open, honest communication while also setting the stage for a trusting dynamic to develop.
Although negotiations sound formal, they are much more intimate and exciting than they may seem. Negotiations allow each person to explore fantasies openly and discuss how all partners can bring them to life. We encourage all partners to be open with each other and create a safe space to discuss everything you hope to do together, how you want it to be done, how to do it safely, and ultimately how to have filthy fun with your play partners!
Below is a non-exhaustive list of topics you can cover in your conversations. We recommend talking through the majority of the topics listed; however, the topics in bold are crucial and we believe they must be discussed in every negotiation.
- What activities will be done?
- What gear will be used?
- Who will assume what role/position?
- Who will be the top or the bottom? Will anyone switch roles at any point?
- Will there be a Dominant/submissive dynamic? How will each person fulfill those roles?
- What are each person’s soft and hard boundaries?
- Soft boundaries are potential boundaries/hesitations someone may be open to exploring whereas hard boundaries are known limits that should absolutely not be crossed or involved in any play.
- An example of a soft boundary could be someone’s hesitations to use handcuffs in a scene. They’ve played with cuffs in a scene before and didn’t enjoy the way they were used, but are open to exploring them again with someone they trust. If plans are made to play with cuffs in the future, they should be navigated with thoroughness, care, and precaution.
- Hard boundaries are anything that someone is unwilling to explore or engage in. Some have boundaries around names that can be used during play, gear that cannot be used, or parts of the body that cannot be touched. Hard boundaries must always be respected and followed.
- What are each person’s potential psychological triggers and concerns?
- Many people have experienced trauma in their lives, and many people have bodily or psychological triggers from the experiences. These can manifest as intense reactions to being touched in certain areas, or even certain objects or words. It is important to proceed with an awareness that a play partner may have such triggers, and ideally for them to disclose their triggers if they are aware of them already.
- Does anyone have any medical conditions or concerns?
- This includes past injuries that could cause problems (such as not being able to kneel due to a knee injury), medications a person is taking, conditions they have, and any other pertinent medical knowledge about the play partners involved.
- What safewords will be used and what do each mean?
- Depending on your scene, safe words may not be possible. For example, if ball gags will be a part of the play, words cannot be enunciated. Determine what gestures or specific noises will be used in place of words. For example, you can have the bottom hold a squeaky toy and squeeze it as their “safe gesture.”
- Whether you’ll be using safe words, gestures, or grunts, we recommend following the “traffic light” system. Green means things are going great, let’s continue. Yellow means that the play should be slowed down and partners should check in with each other. Red means that the play should come to a complete stop.
- Whether you use the words “Green, Yellow, Red” or replace them with your own words/gestures/grunts is totally up to you and your partners.
- What would each partner like to do after play?
- Aftercare is an important aspect of BDSM play, and we will cover more about aftercare in this blog.
- What safety precautions will be taken?
- General safety precautions include establishing enthusiastic consent, keeping a first aid kit nearby, and creating an emergency plan in the case that a scene needs to end immediately. As we stated earlier in the blog, safety precautions specific to the type of play should be known and followed.
- How would partners like to communicate with each other during play?
- Is any form of sex involved? If so, what sexual protection will be used, if any? Does either partner have STIs that may put the other at risk (this also falls under the medical section above).
- If penetration will be a part of the play, what would partners like to be penetrated with and how?
- What is each partner’s comfortability with marks, bruises, etc.?
- What are each person’s boundaries around privacy? What comfortability does each person have regarding disclosure of the relationship, dynamic, play, etc.?
- What makes each person feel good and how would they like their partner to explore pleasure?
- Orgasms do not have to be a part of play, but would you like it to be included? At what points would you like to have an orgasm during play?
- How much experience does each partner have with the types of play in which they will engage?
Rule #3: Always acknowledge the risks
Just like most of the things you do as you go about your day-to-day life, all types of BDSM play have inherent risks that can be minimized but can’t be eliminated. For example, there is always a risk that you will get into a harmful car accident every time you hop behind the wheel, but you can minimize that risk by wearing a seatbelt and purchasing a car with quality safety features. Similarly, as all forms of BDSM play come with risks, it is important to be aware of what those risks are in order to minimize them. When you are researching safety measures for the specific type of play you are exploring, your research should also include the inherent risks.
If you’re playing with a partner, discuss those risks and how you will minimize them. Ignorance is not bliss in BDSM!
Rule #4: Never negotiate or play while under the influence of drugs or alcohol
Involving drugs or alcohol during negotiations and play does not align with the guidelines of SSC. The pillars of SSC (Safety, Sanity, and Consent) all rely on one another to be met for any play to meet SSC’s standards. If any of these values are not met, overall safety is greatly reduced or compromised. We firmly believe that the influence of drugs or alcohol should not be a part of any negotiations or play.
Enthusiastic consent cannot be given if someone is not of clear mind. When negotiating or playing under the influence of substances, there are increased risks that can put either partner in substantial danger. These increased risks include but are not limited to:
- Impaired mental functioning
- Decreased sensitivity to sensation or pain
- Impaired hand-eye coordination
- Lack of attention-to-detail
- Forgetfulness of what was negotiated
- Unclear communication
- Misunderstandings between partners
- Medical complications
- Severe physical harm/injury (not the good kind)
It is especially unsafe to engage in play or negotiations while under the influence if any partner is new to the play or the partners are not very familiar with each other yet.
Rule #5: Always check in with a partner right before playing and throughout playtime
Good communication is a must for a filthy and fun time, and we encourage you to connect with your partner before, during, and after play.
If you already had a negotiation before the day of playtime, that is a great first step. Take that one step further and check-in with your partner right before you play. Ask each other how you’re feeling about the playtime you’re about to experience together. Discuss how both players were feeling throughout their day and if they would like any changes made to what was negotiated. Check that all safety precautions are at the ready, and practice your safewords/gestures/sounds, etc. This check-in can be quick but should be thorough. Checking in right before playtime makes for safer playing and can enhance the pleasure of the experience.
Talking to each other while playing sustains the energy of the scene and allows the dynamic between partners to strengthen — it doesn’t kill the mood if you’re doing it right.
Ask questions, communicate when something is wrong, and don’t be afraid to use those safewords!
If you set up roles and titles that partners will use to refer to another, don’t forget to use those while communicating. Talking during playtime does not mean that the “role play” of the scene must be broken.
Rule #6: Always keep a first aid kit nearby
As a general rule of thumb, keeping a first aid kit near while you’re playing is an easy but essential safety measure to take. Play smart and play safe!
As you explore new forms of play, it’s a good idea to customize what’s in your kit to the play you engage in. For example, if you or your partner is anal training, keep Calmoseptine in your first aid kit as it promotes healing of external anal tears and eases any pain. If you like to flog partners, keep small bandages or body-safe tape in your kit to cover moles before flogging to avoid flogging them off!
As you research and explore various forms of play, you will gain more insight and have a better idea of what you need nearby while playing.
Rule #7: Always set aside time for aftercare
Aftercare is an essential element of BDSM. Some like to describe the feeling of engaging in BDSM play as floating and a complete removal from the world. Many are drawn to the feeling of full immersion in the play and find BDSM play to be an escape.
Just like transitioning from a vacation to your daily life can be difficult, so can transitioning from an incredible playtime to the “real world.” The best way to ease your way back into the vanilla world is aftercare.
What is aftercare?
Aftercare means caring for yourself and/or your partner after playtime. What care looks like greatly varies from person to person, and aftercare activities can be curated to the type of play you engaged in as well.
For example, aftercare activities after an anal scene may differ from activities done after an flogging scene. A partner may feel sore after anal play, so aftercare may include sitting on an icepack whereas a partner’s skin may be agitated after a flogging scene, so aftercare may include gently applying moisturizer or antibacterial ointment if skin was broken.
Here a few suggested aftercare activities to consider:
- Cuddling and snuggling
- Having a glass of wine
- Watching a movie or TV show
- Eating a snack or meal — be sure to wait until your body has settled before eating a big meal (similar to how you may wait to eat a big meal after exercising)
- Hydrating with water and/or fluids with electrolytes — we highly recommend this one
- Listening to music or reading
- Tending to inflamed skin, soreness, cuts, etc.
- Giving each other massages
- Taking a bath
- Discussing the playtime you experienced together (ask how it went, what what they loved or didn’t love, what they would want to do differently in the future, etc.) – we highly recommend you do this, but it is often best to wait until the “high” from the scene has faded, so a day or so later
There are a large variety of aftercare activities, and what you do highly depends on what you enjoy. Some do not like to spend time with their partners when they are done playing, while others would deeply appreciate spending quality time afterwards. It is important for each partner to discuss what aftercare needs they have when negotiating. If there is conflict about what each partner would like to do together, take time to find middle ground.
Regardless of the activities you choose to do, we highly recommend taking the time to discuss with your partner how playtime went for each of you (whether that takes place shortly after or the next day is totally up to you), hydrating, and eating a good meal.
Other Tips
We’ve covered the most important rules of BDSM safety and consent, and we highly encourage you to follow them so your play can be as safe as it is nasty.
Outside of the safety rules, we have some additional safety tips and considerations to offer. With many years of practice under our collective belts, we know a thing or two about going above and beyond the basic BDSM safety guidelines!
Use sexual protection
This is an age-old guideline for safe sex, and it applies to BDSM as well. Your playtime may or may not include penetrative sex, anilingus, cunnilingus, and other sexual activities (and we do highly recommend using protection if you’re engaging in these activities with someone you are not exclusively playing with), but there are additional ways to use protection if your play includes toys.
To be clear, if your play involves genital-to-genital or mouth-to-genital/anus contact, we highly recommend using condoms and dental dams if any partners are not playing with each other exclusively. If you and a partner are playing with each other exclusively, it is important to discuss the use of protection and contraceptives to ensure all partners are on the same page.
If you are not penetrating with toys or genitals, but do plan on using fingers/hands/fists, we highly recommend deep cleaning your hands and clipping your fingernails before any penetration. You can take protection one step further and wear gloves or finger condoms (especially if fisting is on the agenda).
We also recommend using protection when using toys with partners if the toy is not designated to one partner alone. For example, if you have a dildo you like to fuck several partners with, we recommend using a condom (if you are using silicone toys, be sure your condoms are silicone-safe).
If you are using your toys with more than one person, be sure to disclose this before playing to all partners so they can consent to using them.
Deep clean all toys and gear after each use
Bodily fluids can easily lead to bacteria growth. Using toys and gear that have not been deeply cleaned can easily lead to bacterial infections such as vaginosis, yeast infections (males can get yeast infections too!), and others.
When cleaning sex toys, always use antibacterial soap and/or high-quality toy cleaner — this is our favorite toy cleaner (it’s foaming!) and warm water. Read up on how your individual toy can be cleaned on your manufacturer’s website or toy manual. Some are not submersible while others can be boiled. We highly recommend purchasing toys and gear made with high-quality materials such as stainless steel or premium-grade silicone that are labeled as non-porous.
Toys made with non-porous materials ensure that bacteria is not growing in the pores of your toys, lowering your chance of getting or giving someone an infection.
Your gear outside of sex toys also requires cleaning and care, and how each piece of gear is cared for depends on the type of gear and what material it is made with.
Be cautious of who you play with
Playing with other people is exciting, and developing a community in BDSM is something many look forward to. Finding someone who shares in this taboo lifestyle is a unique connection that can be hard to find again. As you search for new connections in the BDSM community, it is important to vet who you connect and play with.
Whether you’re searching for someone to form a new dynamic/relationship with or at a play party, it is important to create your own personal standards you abide by when deciding who to play with.
Playing with others is vulnerable and intimate, even if you do not intend on playing with someone more than once. Communicating clear expectations, limits, desires, and other important aspects of your safety, well-being, and pleasure is essential. Those who cannot or do not follow what you’ve communicated are abusing BDSM’s practices and shouldn’t earn your trust.
If you are ready to meet people and form a community, you may want to find events that are vetted/hosted by reputable groups and organizations. Here at Bondesque, we offer classes, fetish events, and monthly meet & greets for our local community. All participants have purchased tickets through our websites, and we are very intentional about creating a safe, private space for kinksters to meet new people and explore the beautiful world of kink!
You can also find groups, events, and meet new people on fetlife.com (we like to call it the Facebook for kinky freaks!). There is also a dating app called Feeld that specifically offers a safe platform for kinky people to meet each other.
If you do choose to chat with and meet new people online, be cautious about what you disclose with others and be safe when meeting a stranger in person. Always meet in a public space and never rely on the other person for transportation to and from the meeting location. It can also be a good safety practice to let a close friend know who you will be meeting with, where, and when.
Some kinksters don’t use their legal names online and with others in the community. Not only does this preserve safety and privacy, it also allows you to separate your vanilla life from your BDSM lifestyle. Many find this separation to be liberating, encouraging them to fully immerse themselves in this important aspect of who they are.
Are you ready to explore?
Although “rules” may seem too formal for a sexual play that is so freeing, it is important to remember that BDSM cannot be truly enjoyable for all parties involved if safety and consent are not at the foundation. Abiding by these rules and guidelines requires diligence, and you simply can’t forget that the “D” in BDSM stands for Discipline!
If you put in the effort, the more you follow good safety and consent practices, the more natural practicing them will be. As you practice BDSM with discipline, you will create a safe and pleasurable space for you and everyone you play with.
We hope that you learned something from this blog and that you will incorporate your knowledge into wonderful explorations of kinky play!
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