An In-Depth Guide to Anal Training, Stretching & Gaping

Whether you’ve found yourself imagining how it would feel to slip a finger up your butt, get assfucked, or what the sensation of someone’s entire fist filling your anal cavity would feel like, this guide will help you explore it all safely.

The anus, rectum, and beyond are filled with many nerve endings that are capable of spurring intense orgasms. This means that everyone, irrespective of gender, can enjoy the sensation of stimulating this delicate area through penetration, tongues, fingers, toys, and more.

Whether you're just curious, eager to do it with a partner, or even worried about pain, our beginner's guide to anal training is a good start. This blog will answer commonly asked questions. Click your questions below to jump to the answer!

What is Anal Training?

Anal training is a gradual process that prepares you for penetration by stretching and widening your anus over multiple training sessions. By the end of your anal training, you should be able to relax your sphincter at will so you can accept whatever it is you’re craving with ease. 

Training your sphincter might be intimidating but contrary to popular belief, it is both pleasurable and exciting. The dopamine rush you feel when you slip something in you’ve never been able to fit before is truly indescribable.

Anal training can be done on your own or with a partner. If you’re a newbie to anal training, we encourage you to explore anal on your own initially to help you feel comfortable with it, but if you believe you’ll feel most comfortable exploring with others, do what is best for you. 

We know those of you who are experienced players are likely pretty familiar with your anus – skip the basics to first-time anal training and head down to our sections on training for penetrative anal sex, depth play, fisting, and XL toys.

The Step-by-Step Process to Painless Anal Training

If you have yet to explore or have minimal anal experience, this step-by-step process will guide your training and help you begin exploring anal safely. Take training and stretching slowly for a painless process.

Step 1: Buy a high-quality, slippery lube

Lubes are vital for any form of anal play because unlike genitals, the anus does not self-lubricate. Lubes reduce friction and minimize the risk of tearing during anal play. Look for lubes that are slick, smooth, and long-lasting.

Silicone lube is the slipperiest, smoothest, and most long-lasting lube out there, but it cannot be used with silicone toys as it will melt and degrade them. If you plan on training with silicone gear, Fuckwater and Sliquid’s Sassy are our favorite water-based lubes for anal play!

Step 2 (optional): Clean yourself externally or internally before play 

A very important aspect of anal play is feeling confident and relaxed, but anal play is intimidating to many because fecal matter is not something most want to play with (but if you do, no judgements on our end!). 

If you’re hesitant to explore anal play for this reason, a combination of internal and external cleaning will greatly reduce the likelihood of any messy situations, and cleaning is much easier than you might think. For most, cleaning before anal play will allow you to mentally immerse yourself in whatever play you’re exploring. 

Not sure how to clean yourself for anal? Jump to our step-by-step process to anal play prep.

Step 3: Get turned on and warm up 

For an activity like anal play, you can’t just dive into it without titillating the senses. The best way to get your body ready is foreplay. When you plan to anal train, stick to what you know turns you on. Use your favorite toys, play with a partner, watch your favorite porn, etc. Tap into your deep desire for immense pleasure.

Step 4: Try out different external anal sensations 

Once your body is warm, sensitive, and heightened, it’s time to explore. Rimming, stimulating your anus externally, is a great way to warm up and get ready to receive more. Here are a few ways you can explore rimming:

    • Apply lube to your fingers and slowly apply to your anus in a circling motion
    • Use a vibrator or toy and explore stimulating yourself with a variety of motions
    • Spread your cheeks and let a partner eat your ass 
    • As you’re stimulating yourself externally, insert your toy or fingers just a little; get used to the feeling of insertion

As you’re exploring rimming, don’t be afraid to pleasure yourself in other ways. Combining your new explorations with pleasure you’re familiar with will help you associate anal play with immense pleasure.

Step 5: Slow your breath and allow your body to fully relax

As you play with yourself, don’t forget to breathe and relax your body. We can’t emphasize enough how important it is to slip into a headspace of yearning to receive.

Step 6: Insert fingers

Before inserting large objects into your hole, start small so you don’t hurt yourself. Start with fingers or very slim plugs/anal toys (beads and plugs are great for your first-time toy penetration). You can thrust your fingers/toy in and out or you can simply leave them there while you feel pleasure in other ways. For some people, their limit is a small plug or finger, and that’s totally fine. If you do not want to stretch further than small toys or fingers, your anal training is complete!

Step 7: Use anal training kits to stretch yourself to your desired size gradually 

Use anal plug kits, anal bead sets, or dilator sets to work your way up to larger sizes. It usually takes several sessions to stretch your anus to the average-sized butt plug. During play, listen to your body, and size up when you’re comfortable. If the size causes mild discomfort, use a smaller size and relax your body further. You can try the larger size again when you feel your body is more relaxed, or stick with a smaller size for this play session. If there is any blood or tearing, stop all anal play and do not engage in it for at least a day. Drink lots of fluids and recover. 

Once you can comfortably fit the toy size or the number of fingers you want to play with, you can stop sizing up in your anal training. During future play sessions, you can use the kit’s smaller sizes to work your way up to the size you enjoy if you like to warm up gradually.

Essential Anal Tips for All Types of Play

  • Always drink enough water before, during, and after anal play
  • Don’t eat at least 1 hour before anal play and 2 hours before fisting and depth play
  • Include a good meal in your aftercare routine
  • Very Important: Pay attention to your body as you train and stretch. If you experience pain or bleed at any point, stop the play and take at least a day or 2 to recover
  • Relaxing your sphincter is the key to anal training and stretching
  • Do not insert toys that do not have a base or are not made for anal – there’s a reason all ER nurses have stories about fishing objects out of someone’s ass!
  • Always have a thorough conversation before anal play – read our guide on communication, safety, & consent for anal play below

Beyond the Basics: Anal Stretching for Other Forms of Anal Play

Now that you are familiar with the basics of anal training, the steps involved, and tips for anal play, this next section will cover preparation and training for anal sex/pegging, fisting, playing with extra-large toys, and depth play.

How to Train and Prepare for Anal Sex

Anal sex is any sexual activity that involves penetration with a penis, fingers, dildos, and others. The above section covered first-time anal training but doesn’t specifically cover training for anal sex that will feature thrusting!

If you’re looking to be penetrated with an extra large dildo, combine this training guide with the extra large toys training guide below.

Step 1: Train until you're comfortable with anal penetration and relaxing your sphincter

Stretch and train until you are able to comfortably take the size you'll be fucked with.

Step 2: If you’re playing with a partner, be sure to establish guidelines for open communication

It is important to have a direct, thorough conversation with a partner before anal sex. What foreplay would get you ready to be fucked? Who will be the top and who will be the bottom? What positions do you want to do? If you're playing with toys, which toys will you play with? These questions are just a few examples of topics you can discuss with a partner so you both can fully consent to all activities.

Step 3: Clean yourself externally and internally

We highly recommend cleaning yourself internally for any anal sex that will feature thrusting. All that bouncing could lead to some messy situations! We recommend using an enema bulb at least an hour before your wild ride. You don’t need to do a deep clean for anal sex. Here's how to use an enema bulb.

Step 4: Warm up!

Whether you’re playing with a partner or you plan to hop on the saddle alone, don’t forget to warm up. If you’re new to anal sex, we recommend using your anal training kit or anal beads to loosen your hole. Start with the size you can pop in easily and go up from there.

As you work your way up in size, warm up your body. Touch yourself, engage in some good ol’ rimming fun, watch your favorite porn…whatever gets you going, do it! Warming up will make relaxing your tight hole easier so you don’t have to worry about discomfort. 

Step 5: Liberally apply lube, inside and out 

It’s especially important to use plenty of lube if you’re looking to create some friction this anal play session. The best lube for anal is silicone lube, but silicone isn’t an option if you’re playing with silicone toys. Our favorite water-based lubes are Fuckwater’s Original lube and Sliquid’s Sassy

Apply lube to the anus, whatever’s going to be penetrating you, and the rectum! We recommend using a lube shooter (you don’t have to shoot too deeply for anal sex with average-sized toys/dicks). 

Don’t forget to re-apply as you ride to avoid discomfort and tearing.

Step 6: If you’re new to thrusting anal sex, ease your way into it 

When it’s time for the main course, take it slow. Pay attention to your body – if you’re feeling any discomfort, apply more lube, slow your breathing and relax, warm up some more, etc. If your body is saying “not quite yet,” listen to it.

How to Train for Extra Large Toys & Fisting

Ready to step into the wondrous world of extreme anal play? We’re happy you're here – exploring deep anal play is an exciting journey!

What is fisting?

Fisting is the act of penetrating the vulva or anus with a hand/fist. It is a popular form of anal play for a variety of reasons. Exploring the depths of your body is exciting, and of course, the orgasms you can experience are intense and unique to the type of anal play you are engaging in. 

How do I play with extra large toys?

You can play with extra large toys and dildos in a variety of ways. When we say extra large toys, we mean toys with large girths. Some like to be fucked by a partner with large dildos while others prefer to suction them to a wall and fuck themselves. Some prefer extra large toys with wide bases that can stay in place while they do other forms of BDSM play. If you're not sure how you want to explore extra large toys, googling "playing with extra large dildos" might give you some ideas. 

Like anal sex, these are not an activities you do on a whim. You have to be quite familiar with anal play and ready to be patient stretching and loosening your hole over many sessions to fit those larger sizes.

While the sensations differ between fisting and playing with extra large toys, training to gape your hole for these forms of play is the same.

Step 1: Ensure you have extensive experience with anal play 

Fisting and using extra large toys are for experts, not beginners. You will risk bleeding and hurting yourself when you practice fisting or use extra-large toys without prior experience in anal play.

Step 2: Advance well beyond anal training kit sizes 

Spend time working your way up to thicker and longer toys, dildos, plugs, etc.

Step 3: Choose a great lube 

Not all lubes are suitable for big and long sizes. Make sure you do research before buying a lube. We highly recommend Boy Butter and Swiss Navy's Grease. Both are safe to use with silicone toys. 

Step 4: If you’re playing with partner, be sure to have a thorough negotiation before your session

If you’re new to fisting, depth play, and extra large toys, we recommend playing with your partner a few times before tackling these forms of anal play to establish trust and explore your dynamic together. Before exploring anal play together, be sure to get consent for all activities through a thorough conversation. 

If you’re training to fit larger sizes, we recommend training with your partner so you both have the opportunity to learn your body well. 

Step 5: Thoroughly clean yourself internally before play 

This is required if you want to stretch yourself to accommodate bigger and longer sizes. Be sure to deep clean at least 2 hours before and do not eat or drink 2 hours before your session. 

We recommend placing something easy to clean beneath you when working with larger sizes. For consistent players, taking a daily fiber pill is a great way to keep yourself cleaned out and quicken any cleaning beforehand.

If you’re planning on including fisting in your session, keep your session hygienic and be sure to have your partner wear latex gloves that stretch past the elbow.

We recommend douching with a water bag or a shower attachment

Step 6: Loosen your anus with smaller sex toys 

Use previous sizes that you can fit to loosen your anus and warm yourself up before tackling the next size up. 

It is easy to allow excitement (and horniness) to cloud your vision. Be realistic about what sizes you can take. If there is blood or pain while sizing up, stop playing and let your body recover for at least a day before resuming play.


Do not use numbing creams if you're a beginner.

Do not use numbing creams until you have reached your goal size and feel confident in how well you know your body. Using numbing creams too early in your anal play journey could lead to tearing. 

Do not use speculums or hollow plugs while training.

Some use speculums or hollow plugs to stretch and keep their holes open, also known as gaping, to fit bigger toys or fists. Be careful with these toys as they can easily lead to tearing. We do not recommend using speculums or hollow plugs while training. 

Use toys made with pure silicone, metal, or glass.

Avoid toys produced from jelly, TPE, TPR, or PVC. Their porous nature makes it challenging to keep thoroughly clean and unsafe for your anus. Opt for premium-grade silicone toys as they are more body-safe, boilable, non-porous, and flexible.

How to Train for Depth Play

What is depth play? Depth play involves inserting objects deep and beyond the rectum. People who practice depth play typically aim to reach and go beyond the sigmoid bend in the large intestine. If you’re not sure if this interests you, read up on people’s experience with depth play…they just might convince you to give it a try.

For depth play, the length and distance of the inserted objects matter most, unlike stretching or fisting which focus on size. Depth play toys can range from thick toys of decent length to long and skinny ones, meaning you may not have to train very much to stretch your hole depending on your toy of choice. Depth play toys are designed to go deep inside the anal canal, reaching the large intestine. Depth play can also involve fisting if you want a partner to thrust their arm as far as it can go up!

Some people are not able to fit toys up their intestine due to the way their body is built. If your goal is to take on the curves of the intestine, be sure to stop if it feels painful.

Step 1: Take daily fiber pills and thoroughly clean yourself internally

For deep anal play, we highly recommend douching.  

You’re going to be exploring the colon, and you can’t have anything in your way if you want to get around that first bend. If you’re training for depth play, we highly recommend taking a daily fiber pill to keep your colon clean and make prep easier.

Step 2: Apply lots of lube and don’t forget to lube deeply 

We recommend using a lube shooter to coat the insides of rectum and be sure to apply plenty of lube to whatever is going to be diving in that session.

Step 3: Go deeper and deeper over multiple sessions 

Like any other form of anal training, you can’t rush training for depth play and you must listen to your body closely. Exploring the depths is an exciting process full of new sensations that are hard to describe without experiencing it on your own. 

Just like sizing up for toys/fists with wide circumferences, depth play training involves going deeper and deeper over many sessions. Each session, go as deep as what feels good to you. You can train with someone’s arm or you can explore toys made specifically for depth play.

You may experience discomfort as you train, but you should not feel anything more than mild pain. Your body will let you know when you’ve reached your limit – do not push past it. 

You may have a depth goal, but some bodies have limits as to how deep something can go. You just might hit a wall that you can’t pass. Some people just can’t fit toys up their intestine. You may feel disappointed that you can’t reach your goal, but it is important to simply accept this fact and not push your body further than it go as that can risk serious damage to an important organ!

Step 4: Space out your sessions 

After each training session, you will likely feel sore. It is important to space out your training sessions at least a day in between. Be sure to drink plenty of fluids after your session and on the days in between sessions.


Use toys made with pure silicone, metal, or glass.

Avoid toys produced from jelly, TPE, TPR, or PVC. Their porous nature makes it challenging to keep thoroughly clean and unsafe for your anus. Opt for premium-grade silicone toys as they are more body-safe, boilable, non-porous, and flexible.

Use toys with a flared base while training.

Anal-depth toys with flared bases are great, especially for newbies. The protruding bottom serves as a stopper that prevents the sex toy from getting stuck in your ass.

Anal Aftercare

Anal sex aftercare means taking care of your anus and partner after sex. People often talk about the preparation that comes with anal sex and rarely discuss what to do post-sex. Here's a few ideas you can incorporate in your next aftercare session.

Discuss the session with your partner 

After the session, discuss how things went with your partner. Share what you liked and disliked. If your partner did not enjoy something you did, don’t take their opinion personally. Instead listen and make adjustments in the future. 

Take a warm shower/bath 

You and your partner need to shower after playing because anal play involves playing with bacteria. Be sure to clean your butt thoroughly but be gentle with yourself. 

If you feel sore after playing, use an ice pack

This is especially applicable if you’re training for more extreme forms of anal play. Soreness is likely and taking time to recover is important. Using an ice pack will reduce inflammation and speed up your recovery

Clean sex toys and items used 

Properly discard used condoms and latex gloves, wash stained towels or sheets, and clean your sex toys with soapy, hot water and if they’re made with premium-grade silicone, consider boiling them.

We recommend washing your toys with antibacterial sex toy cleaner. After washing, make sure you rinse off any soap remnant to avoid anus irritation the next time you use your toys.

Take time to recover in between sessions. Don’t train while you’re sore. 

Although it takes multiple sessions to reach your anal play goals, we highly recommend taking at least a day between anal play sessions (especially if you are exploring more extreme forms of anal play). Depending on what type of training you’ve been doing, your hole, rectum, and/or intestine might feel sore. Soreness is a sign that your body is healing and recovering, and it’s important to listen to it. 

Anal Safety: Communication, Consent, and Preparation

In order to play safely, it is essential to acknowledge risks, communicate clearly and directly with all partners, and enthusiastically consent to all forms of play. 


As with all forms of BDSM play, risks can be lessened but not eradicated. All scenes must follow the standards of RISK (Risk, Aware, Consensual Kink) and SSC (Safe, Sane, Consensual) play. Ensuring enthusiastic consent from all partners, having proper negotiations, and taking safety precautions will decrease risk and follow the standards of RISK and SSC.  

Safety Preparation

It is important that you don’t walk into any form of anal play blindly. Doing your research before exploring is a great way to explore safely – you are reading this blog, so you’re definitely doing something right! 

Whether you’re interested in stretching for small plugs and fingering or extra large toys, there are safety precautions to take. 


Avoid toys made with jelly, TPE, or TPR. Toys made with these materials are porous and cannot be thoroughly cleaned. If you want to play with materials other than metal or glass, we highly recommend premium-grade silicone toys as they can be boiled and sterilized. 

  • Do not use homemade gear
  • If fingering is on the agenda, be sure fingernails are clipped and smooth
  • Keep a first aid kit nearby

Sometimes anal training can lead to bleeding and/or pain (following this guide will help minimize that risk!). Keep a first aid kit nearby in case of any pain, and buy anal-safe creams in case of any bleeding or tearing. 

  • Clean all of your gear!

Reduce the chance of infections and be sure you’ve thoroughly cleaned all of your gear. This includes fingers, hands, and arms!

  • Do not stick toys up that don’t have a wide base or aren’t made for thrusting 

Using toys that aren’t made for anal greatly increases your risk of losing them…not an ER visit you want to make 

  • Use protection – gloves and condoms are great options and highly recommended

If you’re exploring fisting or fingering, latex/nitrile gloves will keep things sanitary. Penile anal sex is safest if the top is wearing a condom.


A good negotiation includes thorough discussion of what will be done and establishing consent for all activities involved. It is incredibly important to have an open and holistic conversation with all partners that will be involved. Here’s our quick rundown on what to discuss during your negotiations:

  • Discuss what play will be done and how
  • Determine safe words/gestures/sounds.

Establish what they mean and practice using them. It is vital that all partners can confidently identify each safe word/gesture/sound and know what they mean.

We recommend following a “Green, Yellow, Red” format as you choose. Green indicates that the scene is going well, Yellow indicates that the scene needs to slow down, and Red indicates that the scene needs to immediately stop.

  • Determine the dynamic between all partners
  • Discuss boundaries, including soft limits and hard limits 
  • Determine what gear will be used 
  • Determine how long the scene will be 
  • Discuss medical conditions both physical and psychological.

Be sure to include possible triggers and discuss how they can be avoided.

  • Determine what sexual protection will be used, if any 
  • Determine how the scene will be ended immediately if needed
  • Have at least 2 negotiations: at least a day before the scene and right before the scene

Right before the scene, check in with each other. Ask about what headspace everyone is in and how they’re feeling about the scene. 

  • Discuss aftercare expectations and needs.

How to Clean & Prepare for Anal Play

Cleaning for anal play depends on what type of anal play you’ll be doing, but we do recommend cleaning the anus externally and having a bowel movement no matter what play you'll be doing.

Cleaning & Preparing for Fingers, Average-Sized Toys, and Anal Sex

We recommend using an enema bulb for most types of anal play. An enema bulb will clean out the sphincter and rectum well; douching is not necessary. Enema bulbs are tools that look like a lightbulb and are filled with water to be squirted up your butt. They feature n slim insertable end that will shoot water up your rectum that you will expel to clear it all out. Our favorite enema bulb is this bulb by Aneros. 

How to Clean With an Enema Bulb

1. Don’t eat or drink at least an hour before and be sure to have a bowel movement

2. Clean yourself at least 1-2 hours before anal play

3. Fill the enema bulb with lukewarm water – don’t fill it all the way!

We recommend filling it roughly one third of the way full. If a quarter full isn’t enough, re-fill it in ⅓ increments as you clean. 

4. Lube up the tip 

5. Squeeze the bulb gently 

You don’t want to squirt too much water quickly. Your body’s reaction might be to expel the water immediately, and that could be messy and uncomfortable!

6. Expel the water and repeat 

After each squeeze of water, your body will push out the water and what was inside of your colon will come with it. We recommend repeating this process until the water is relatively clear. 

Cleaning for Depth Play, Fisting, and Extra Large Toys

Enema bulbs typically clean the rectum out pretty well, but don’t clean out the colon deeply. We recommend anal douching for any play that goes beyond the rectum. There are multiple methods you can use to douche. We will cover douching with shower attachments and water bags in this section.

How to Douche for Extreme Anal Play

No matter how you douche, keep these essential tips in mind:

  • Don’t eat or drink at least 2 hours before play.
  • Have a bowel movement before cleaning. Consider taking fiber pills daily.
  • Deep clean 2 hours before anal play.
  • After you’ve finished cleaning, try one last time to expel any remaining water 30 minutes after the initial clean.
Shower Attachments 

Shower attachments are great for a quicker deep clean but there are more risks to using them; we do not recommend them for beginners to douching. They typically screw on to your showerhead and include a head with an insertable nozzle. Some feature a switch to adjust flow of water from the showerhead to the enema attachment, allowing you to control the water pressure (we highly recommend this version of the attachment). Below is our step-by-step guide to using shower attachment douches:

1. Turn your shower on. Be sure the water is lukewarm.

If the water is too hot, it might burn you; if it’s too cold, it could cause your muscles to contract. 

2. Get yourself situated on your toilet or remove your shower drain

You can use your shower enema in 2 ways: over the toilet or in your shower. If your toilet is close to your shower, you could feasibly use the hose over the toilet so you can expel into your toilet. Another way you can use your shower enema is in the shower itself. If you decide to go this route, remove your shower drain before you clean. You’re going to be cleaning everything out – we suggest leaving it an easy exit!

3. Switch over the water flow to the shower attachment and be sure the water pressure is not strong 

The flow of water will be stronger than an enema bulb’s, but it shouldn’t be too powerful or it could cause pain or squirt the water too deep.

4. Lube up the nozzle and insert about an inch deep. Be sure to relax your sphincter!

5. Squirt water up for 1 to 3 seconds

Some will let this water go right away and repeat while others hold the water for 5 to 10 seconds for a deeper clean. Do some experimentation to figure out what works for you.

6. Expel the water and repeat 

Repeat this process until you’ve expelled everything and the water is clear.

Water Bags

Water bottle enemas use gravity to flush water up in a slow, controlled manner. They usually feature a durable and refillable bag, long hose, an insertable tip, hook, and water flow control clamp. Below is our step-by-step guide to using water bag enemas:

1. Fill the bag with lukewarm water. The bag does not have to be filled all the way. 

Filling it with lukewarm water is important. Hot water may burn you while cold water will cause your muscles to contract. Be sure the water control clamp is shut.

2. Hang the bag preferably about 18 inches above you. 

Some hang their bag on their shower railing while others install a screw to hang the bag on next to the toilet. 

3. Lube up the insertable tip.

4. Get into position. 

We recommend these two options for positioning yourself: lying down on your left side or getting on all fours.

5. Insert the tip entirely and open the water control clamp.

6. Let the water flow.

How long you let the water flow depends on your preference. Some will allow the water to flow for 15-20 minutes before holding and expelling the water. If you do choose this method, you will have to do this process more than twice. 

Others prefer to allow the entire bag to drain before holding and expelling the water. This is best 

Note: Douching does come with risks. There is increased infection risk with this form of cleaning and potential rectum tissue damage. Following the steps above can help minimize this risk, but risk cannot be completely eradicated. We do not recommend douching more than once a week and highly recommend daily fiber pills to reduce the need for deep cleans. 

Are You Ready for Anal Play?

We hope this guide tells you everything you need to know about anal play. There are various types of anal play, and whether you are a beginner or an anal lover looking for something more advanced, we encourage you to read up before sticking anything up the bum! There is a large variety of anal toys out there – explore our selection of premium anal gear and find what you need to explore your fantasies. 

If you are new to BDSM or looking to spice up your sex life, subscribe to our newsletters for more mind-blowing tips and get 10% off your next order.

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